This morning I am sleepy as usual. However, as I a commitment to myself and Frida, I have decided to start writing this journal instead of procrastinating any further.
I have this lifelong habit of procrastination, which is holding me back from achieving my goals in life. I have read about the fact this behaviour is a manifestation of perfectionism. Because I want to do every thing "perfectly", I need eternal preparation which essentially means I will never embark on the project. Having acknowledged this, I know I have to ditch this idea and try to start working on things without overthinking.
Yet this is easier said than done, as this urge to "make things right" is a trademark characteristic of being a highly sensitive person. Even as I am writing this journal, this thought keeps creeping in my mind and makes me want to procrastinate. Yet I am improving - at least I am writing now, which makes me feel good about myself. I am grateful about it.
This feeling leads to another revelation I learnt recently. Every new year we all like to come up with resolutions with a dozen goals: working out more, going on a diet, start a business...the lists goes on, only to fail to achieve many of them and then feel shit for ourselves. This is because the very moment we set these fanciful targets, we are actually saying to ourselves we are inadequate.
Ironically it is precisely this feeling which makes us feel bad and destroys our self-esteem; and without our self-love and self-acceptance, we cannot muster our energy and strength to achieve what we want. So there is a paradox. If we want to make progress in our lives, the very first thing we should NOT do is to think we need to improve in order to lead a better life; instead, we should accept ourselves as we are right now and make peace with ourselves, then go on to think what goals we should pursue to align with our inner calling, but not to consider them as targets to prove our self-worth, neither to ourselves nor to others.
So let me start here - I am grateful that I have completed this blog today, and I am proud of myself.
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