Day 9: What does sensitivity mean to you?

What does sensitivity mean to me? This is such a huge topic to elaborate on. Simply put, having learnt there exists such an innate trait of personality in about one-fifth of the population, not only in humans but also across numerous species in the world, has been an enormous relief to me.  

Needless to say, I identified so many characteristics of sensitivity in myself. I always have an awkward feeling of going to parties, especially those involving strong lights and loud music, or going to sports events or rock concerts with large crowds. Shouldn't young people all enjoy such occasions? Deep down inside I know I do not - at least not in the intensity others find joyful - but it seems pathetic. Therefore every once in a while I would force myself to go, only to find myself hateful as to why I couldn't enjoy myself as others did. 

On the other hand, I find much pleasure indulging in abstract activities such as discussing intellectual topics or appreciating various forms of arts, which I am aware are not always celebrated by the majority. As a result I have always felt a bit on a different channel to most family members, friends or colleagues I encounter in life. There seems to be something wrong with me. 

As a Mensa member, I used to think my higher than average intelligence accounted for all such differences, while at the same time I knew that was not the complete picture - there are also members in the organization who don't fit this personality. However, once adding sensitivity as the final puzzle everything seems to come to light. My feelings can finally be validated, as there is a significant, albeit minority, of the population who share the same experience. Most importantly, it should not be something to feel ashamed of - we have our own strengths and weaknesses just as everybody else.

Being able to view oneself from a positive perspective is a huge progress towards self-acceptance; this is what the acknowledgement of sensitivity brings me. Now I am much more at peace with myself, and I am eager to explore more about this phenomenon. One important question that keeps hanging in my mind is, to what degree sensitivity is related to intelligence. After all, they both involve deep (probably overly so) processing of information, and I do find the behaviour of people with high IQ resemble those of highly sensitivity people as a whole. I hope to explore this topic as my future HSP research.