Day 6: What do you want to say to your perfectionist?

It is such a serendipity that I just wrote about myself being a perfectionist yesterday when this topic comes up as the main theme - seems I am well on track.

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I remember the first time I have this revelation was during my high school study in the UK. I was venting out my frustration on the physics research project to my teacher, citing the topic was so overwhelming that I didn't know where and how to start. After bursting out my helplessness, my very kind mentor suddenly replied: "M..,, are you a perfectionist? 

I was frozen at that moment. It was at this time I first realized this trait was taking a toll in my work. Unfortunately, back then people did not view perfectionism in too much of a bad light; we liked to praise those who could execute a task flawlessly. As such, I still held onto this trait as a golden standard to pursue.

However, after reading many articles on perfectionism I realize it is not the case. Perfectionism is a common cause of procrastination and anxiety for many people, me included. Most importantly, it robs the pleasure of enjoying things at the moment, which should be the goal for many activities. Take playing tennis as an example. Because I am too concerned with not losing, I usually end up playing anxiously whenever I am not doing well, which pretty much spoils the fun of the game. 

As Frida Kabo suggests, perfectionism COULD BE a self-saboteur behaviour in disguise. However, like she said the taste is also so sweet when we can achieve it, and we hear stories of many famous people succeed by "striving for the best (which happens to be the motto of my alma mater)". So which stance should we take? 

Honestly I do not have a black or white answer to this. There are indeed times I felt so ecstatic after things worked out exactly the way I expected - but that also means I got particularly deflated when they didn't, not to mentioned the constant fatigue it created. What is more, this is a typical characteristic of HSP that jumping into something without much contemplation just does not feel right. It is something so ingrained that is hard, and perhaps shouldn't, be got rid of completely.

As for this moment, I think the best strategy is to acknowledge I have a strong tendency of such, and should avoid overplanning when the outcome of a task is not really that important. As for those that matter, a certain level of diligence is indeed needed, and I should be proud of myself in this aspect. But once unexpected scenarios play out, I should accept my own limitation as a human being, and refrain from controlling the world. 

The only way one can avoid all accidents on the road is not to travel at all; yet is it a life worth living? So I tell myself, just take a deep breath whenever stages a chaotic scene, and let it be.